(A page taken from the beginning of Karmic's journal; secretly hidden on her ship)
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
I remember my early childhood years as being happy ones. I was born on some far flung farming community, on an unknown planet, in some backwater corner of the galaxy. I couldn't even find it now on a map. I had a mother and a father, both Pureblood and also farmers; and if they had any other lives or destiny before that I never knew. But I was very young then, and not of an age to know such things.
I understand now that everyone in the community was a slave; but to whom I still do not know and I certainly did not realize it then. I also understand now that I was force sensitive from a very young age; I am sure my parents realized this as well but I do not remember any discussions we may have had. But I think they must have; because I knew it was a secret.
I remember my mother being beautiful. I remember her warmth, her laughter, and that she loved to sing. I have vague recollections of her singing as she went about her housework and her gentle guidance as I tried to sing like her. And I remember she was very much in love with my father and he with her. I remember my father as a strong and intelligent man and that I followed him around constantly as he worked. He would tell me stories and at night, read to me. I was very much a daddy's girl.
I remember the day the Sith Lords arrived. Looking up into the sky as their ships flew low over our settlement to land miles away. As much as I would have loved to have gotten closer to their landing camp; it was too far for me to get to on my own. My father and other males of the community met with them though; and when they returned that night all the adults gathered behind closed doors and spoke in hushed tones. I know this because I fell asleep perched on a window, straining in vain to hear what the adults were discussing.
But nothing happened after that, and the sight of the ships in the distance quickly became routine for me. It was only then that my parents begin to teach me of the Sith, and the Empire. I remember knowing I was suppose to be frightened as they talked to me; but I only remember feeling fascinated instead. Thus, I did not run when I heard my first lightsaber being drawn and saw the Apprentices running half-hidden through the fields towards us. I did not hide as the other children did. As my mother scooped me up and fled, I saw my father for the last time. Running past us towards the Sith with a lightsaber of his own. To this day, I have no idea where he got it, how he hid it, or even if he knew how to use it.
We were caught, of course. It took several days to round up all of us and drive us back to their camp. It took less time than that to slaughter the adults that were left and throw all of us children into holding tanks in the ship. I remember watching the slaughter of many; though, I am thankful I do not remember seeing my mother die.
I kept my secret to myself and I made sure to do nothing to attract attention. I suppose the Sith Lords were so focused on cataloging their haul they were paying no attention to anything else. I can't imagine I was all that good at hiding my gift; but in any case they did not separate me out from the rest. Perhaps it was my new found anger, perhaps it was my fascination with the power and abilities I was seeing around me for the firs time, or perhaps it was the force, after all. My peace had been shattered forever.
Through passion, I gain strength.
The next thing I can clearly remember is arriving at my new Master's mining camps. I had managed to be sold with a small group of those from my home; children and older adolescents. Those first few weeks were nightmarish. Being dumped among thousands of strangers and learning the ropes at the mines. Within the throng of bodies it was not hard to hide; and hide I did. I also managed to keep myself safer and more protected than most with my burgeoning abilities. Necessity is a harsh mistress; but an excellent teacher.
I thought I was lucky when the Slave Master noticed how quickly I adapted to my new environment and pulled me out with a few other to be trained as house slaves. Little did I know it was trading one darkness for another. But then again, I guess from where I stand now; it was indeed lucky. Or as my teachers later taught - the guidance of the force. I went to my new duties at the Sith Lord's house eagerly, believing that nothing indoors would be as harsh and as horrible as the mines and sleeping among the dirty, unwashed, masses of slaves on the ground. In a way I was right; but in others I was very wrong.
I learned quickly; showing the intelligence my father had fed and my mother had nurtured. The adult house slaves doing their best to care for us children as they could while fulfilling their own duties. Those early months as a house slave were not bad, all things considered. They quickly realized I could read and began to teach me to write - at night after my duties in the kitchen or house keeping was done. I managed to avoid the attention of the Sith Lord and stay away from the nasty hands of the Slave Master for quite awhile (far more than most of the other young girls; guess it was my "good luck" again) until one day I was called upon to serve at the Sith Lord's table.
The Sith Lord who had been set by the Empire to head up the Mines and keep order was ancient. He was so aged and pale; the lines of the darkside rampant upon his face and hands. I use to stare at him and just imagine watching him fall over dead at the dinner table. He disgusted me even as I could feel the power flowing through him. It wasn't so much his appearance, but his nature and ego that I found deplorable, even as a child. Something in me realized that his ego blinded his power; that it was his assumptions that kept him from noticing my force abilities. I was some worthless slave after all; bought and paid for and assured to be useless to the Empire as anything else. So it wasn't until I served at his table that he even deigned to look at me. And he did not notice me because of the force, but because I was pretty.
Through strength, I gain power.
I clearly remember the first time he laid hands on me. I stepped up to refill his drink and he grabbed my shoulder and then my face. Staring at me closely, his wet breath stunk as he studied me. He then nodded and let me go and I quickly hurried back to the kitchens. It was several days before I got reassigned to the concubines.
I was probably about 8 or so when I moved upstairs to the Female Wing, as it was known. It was then, under the training of the Lord's concubines and the Head Mistress, that I started a new type of lesson. I was taught how to dress, and how to look; manners and proper etiquette. Surprisingly enough, they picked up where my mother left off with her singing and conntinued my training there as well. I was taught the art of massage and of pressure points; the latter being especially useful in fighting as I learned when I was older. If I wasn't aware of who, and what, was behind all of this tuteledge it would not have been an unpleasant time in my life. But behind it all was the Sith Lord, and almost every night I served at this table and helped to entertain his guests. A well-trained and pretty little dog, doing tricks for their amusement and wearing skimpy outfits for their pleasure.
But still I learned everything I could. I soaked up their training like a sponge and thrived at the challenges the older females put before me. I took pride in their compliments and strove to learn as much as I could. It has always been in my nature; my curiosity and thirst for more and more knowledge. No matter what the subject or the task, I could not stop myself from jumping in full force to become the best at it. And the books and manuscripts I had access too were amazingly extensive; perhaps because the Sith Lord saw no need to hide such knowledge from slaves who could do nothing with it. But his library was full of Sith lore and teachings; of documents on the Dark and Light side of the force, some I remember feeling very old to my fingers. I often took refuge there in the library after my duties were done or whenever I had free time. A solace in the darkness; made even more so because he rarely used the library himself. I learned, for the first time in my memory, what my gift meant and that if I could learn to harnass it and not just hide it - how far I could go.
Through power, I gain victory.
I had been servicing the Sith Lord and his guests for some time before my life changed, forever. I had become quite talented. Both with my voice and with my body. My hands were especially strong and I was the preferred massuse of the household for all types of purposes - even for injured slaves who were deemed too valuable to just put down or sell. So in addition to table work I was often busy at night tending to one person or another before I was allowed to go to my own rest. Some kinder to me, some not so kind. As is the way of the universe.
Thus it was, one night, as I stumbled to my own bed half-asleep and not paying as close attention as I should when the Slave Master cornered me. It was an encounter I had managed to avoid for years (made easier by living in the Female Wing) but he managed to sneak up on me that night in my exhaustion. I certainly knew exactly what his intentions were and I was no stranger to those intentions, but being forced against my will by that particular deplorable excuse for a sentient creature must have been too much for my system to handle. By the time I regained control over myself, there was little left of him but a few chunks and his blood, smeared on the walls. That is also when I discovered that I had taken out a couple of guards as well, who had made the mistake of trying to stop what was going on before I regained control. The rest of the guards caught me as I ran back down the stairs; intelligent enough at least to learn the mistake of those who charged in first. I could have released my gift on them as well of course, but I was thinking clearly again and knew it would have done no good to take out the rest of them.
Through victory, my chains will be broken.
My secret was out; and out in a way that no one could ignore any longer. I was dragged before the Sith Lord. I was just as surprised as everyone else that I was not killed immediately. Instead, he spoke to me at length and in private, no less. Despite my earlier beliefs that he was an idiot and senile, at least during that questioning, I saw some of the power and glory that must have been his when he was in his prime. In those few hours, the Sith Lord gained my respect. He upheld to the teachings I had been reading about in his library and the very next day I was on a ship to start my training.
And now I travel to Korriban; my training has come to a close - this chapter anyway. I will complete my trials on Korriban and begin to make my own way in the galaxy. To rise or fall by my own will and drive alone. No longer to stay hidden and no longer keeping secret the power I feel flowing through me. A power I have only just begun to tap into. I feel it. My instructors have told me the strength they sense within me, waiting to be harnessed. I have set myself apart from the other Acolytes these last few years and now I shall do the same against the Sith Lords and their Apprentices. I have a deep passion for knowledge; I hunger for strength; and I feel the power seething within me.
The force shall set me free.
